You can learn to manage it on your own to a degree, and that's what's good about professional help after sorting through all the uncertain feelings about it. What they're giving you is that chance at independent living, and honestly being able to cope with things on your own as opposed to thinking you can and not having the right tools to go about it. This probably doesn't make the idea of help easier, of course. I just want to point out that, hey, it is possible in the future to rely on yourself to sort out your issues; and when you feel it's not something you can handle on your own, you can draw on whatever support system you've built up.
In order to get more into self-esteem, I need to know what is this ideal person you envision yourself being? Is it someone who can do anything and everything with ease and without complaining? Is it someone who is the life of the party who everyone loves being around? Is it someone who can fix all the problems in the world and knows all the answers? The good and shitty thing about our self-esteem is that we are in direct control of it; you are the only person who makes you feel a certain way. Think of it like a bank account! If you have a good amount of self-esteem and something awful happens, you can make a withdrawal from your self-esteem account to counter whatever happened. This person made me question my worth as a person, but I know I'm better than that. If you have zero or little self-esteem, you can't do the same thing. You're basically overdrawing and getting into negatives, thus spiralling you down more and more.
So, I guess another good thing is to tell me - if you want, I mean - is there anyone in the world who is basically that super idealistic person you strive to be. I think when it boils down to it the answer would be no. Sometimes we put people we idolize so high up on a pedestal that we forget they're human and go through the same problems everyone else has.
When you say you don't know why you can't cheer yourself on, I agree that it's burnout from everything. I also get the feeling that's it's because you've almost given up on yourself. Like, the inability to fathom that things are going to change in the future. To use a fancy-ish analogy, why bother cheering for a horse that's going to come in last place? Lately when I read these things I feel an overwhelming sense of self-defeat that's almost overpowering any will to change. It makes me sad to see. I want to nurture the will to change that's clearly in there, and then every time it's in reach it slinks back into negative depths.
As always, feel free to correct me if I'm way off on anything. I guess that's also a way of keeping people at arms length. I mean, like, uh ... it's a self-defense mechanism. Pulling away from the change, that is. It's frustrating! Please don't apologize for that, either. I get to a certain degree what it feels like. We obviously come from different backgrounds, but emotions always feel the same from person to person.
I'm sorry. I always feel like with this stuff it's almost more effective to legitimately talk it out or something like that. This also stems from me just being really bad at conveying these things through written word, so that's all on me. I tend to put too much of my own feelings into things when I try to help out and then I have no idea what I'm doing any more. Like, huh ... I don't want to ever say anything upsetting, so I'm just struggling with wording things since out of my own fears and emotions I'd probably say a lot of stupid stuff if I let myself.
Sorry again, I was going somewhere - I think - and then I got all wrapped up in being self-conscious over feelings. I think this might be why friends make the worst therapists for each other. I will always continue to try and help, regardless.
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branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2012-09-12 10:53 pm (UTC)In order to get more into self-esteem, I need to know what is this ideal person you envision yourself being? Is it someone who can do anything and everything with ease and without complaining? Is it someone who is the life of the party who everyone loves being around? Is it someone who can fix all the problems in the world and knows all the answers? The good and shitty thing about our self-esteem is that we are in direct control of it; you are the only person who makes you feel a certain way. Think of it like a bank account! If you have a good amount of self-esteem and something awful happens, you can make a withdrawal from your self-esteem account to counter whatever happened. This person made me question my worth as a person, but I know I'm better than that. If you have zero or little self-esteem, you can't do the same thing. You're basically overdrawing and getting into negatives, thus spiralling you down more and more.
So, I guess another good thing is to tell me - if you want, I mean - is there anyone in the world who is basically that super idealistic person you strive to be. I think when it boils down to it the answer would be no. Sometimes we put people we idolize so high up on a pedestal that we forget they're human and go through the same problems everyone else has.
When you say you don't know why you can't cheer yourself on, I agree that it's burnout from everything. I also get the feeling that's it's because you've almost given up on yourself. Like, the inability to fathom that things are going to change in the future. To use a fancy-ish analogy, why bother cheering for a horse that's going to come in last place? Lately when I read these things I feel an overwhelming sense of self-defeat that's almost overpowering any will to change. It makes me sad to see. I want to nurture the will to change that's clearly in there, and then every time it's in reach it slinks back into negative depths.
As always, feel free to correct me if I'm way off on anything. I guess that's also a way of keeping people at arms length. I mean, like, uh ... it's a self-defense mechanism. Pulling away from the change, that is. It's frustrating! Please don't apologize for that, either. I get to a certain degree what it feels like. We obviously come from different backgrounds, but emotions always feel the same from person to person.
I'm sorry. I always feel like with this stuff it's almost more effective to legitimately talk it out or something like that. This also stems from me just being really bad at conveying these things through written word, so that's all on me. I tend to put too much of my own feelings into things when I try to help out and then I have no idea what I'm doing any more. Like, huh ... I don't want to ever say anything upsetting, so I'm just struggling with wording things since out of my own fears and emotions I'd probably say a lot of stupid stuff if I let myself.
Sorry again, I was going somewhere - I think - and then I got all wrapped up in being self-conscious over feelings. I think this might be why friends make the worst therapists for each other. I will always continue to try and help, regardless.