People fall into two categories when it comes to getting better. You're either the kind of person who can manage to make it through on your own, or you're the type that needs help on how to go about getting better. More often than not, people need direction when it comes to overcoming depression, anxiety, and the like. The common thing between the two types of people is that you need to be actively doing something to help yourself feel better, not just ignoring signs and feelings and hoping they go away. It helps to have a sit down and really put thought into, okay, I'm feeling x, but what am I doing to prevent it? Do I know the warning signs before I get incredibly anxious or depressed? Is there something I can do to counter it?
Of course figuring out how to counter it isn't the easiest. This is where professional help does come in handy. I can only give you examples of what I've done in therapy, and they may work or they may not! Everyone is different. One big factor in starting overall change, in my opinion, is if you're honestly ready to change. I think you know that, like, you can be gung-ho to get things started, but fall flat due to something holding you back ... Which would be the individual.
It's great writing out your thoughts to help clear your head. Journaling is actually an important part of most cognitive based therapies. The downside here that I notice (which is my opinion only, so feel free to steer me in the right direction) is that it's almost like going around in circles. You write this out, feel better for the time being, but then it's always ruminating somewhere inside of you until it's ready to pop up again and make you feel god awful. So here it's like the journaling is only temporary relief rather than a permanent fix.
And when I say permanent fix I don't mean, like ... Okay, again, these are my thoughts based on what I experience ... I don't believe you truly ever get rid of anxiety or depression. Nowadays I leave my house and live what one would call a normal life for the most part, but there are days I wake up and it's like I'm back at square one. The difference being now - and this is what I mean by permanent fix - is that I know the steps to take to bring myself back to healthy thinking. I know pretty much every sign that warns me "hey, uh, in a week or so you might have a breakdown JUST SAYING". I can take a day and go, you know what, today I feel like shit and I want to feel like shit and feel sorry for myself and have a pity party, but tomorrow is going to be better. And it's honestly tiring at times the things I need to do and the amount of thought I need to put into my thought process and how I'm feeling, bit it's worth it in the end knowing that I'm okay. Really, though, that's how life is; some people are better at things that other people need to put more effort into.
Going back to the actively doing something vs sabotaging yourself, I feel like a lot of the times you're ridiculously hard on yourself. I know I've brought it up before, but it bears repeating. I can count on my hands the number of positive things you say about yourself compared to the negative things. Okay, you are feeling useless and you're feeling like a bad friend and that everyone gets over these things, but have you ever stopped to think holy shit, how much crap am I putting up with that my mind puts me through? I'm not saying have a pity party, and I'm not saying that you're feeling all right by any stretch of the imagination. I'm saying try to look at that as at least somewhere positive to start; it is hard to make it through a single day when you are suffering like this and you should be proud of yourself. I don't care what anyone says who doesn't understand this, I'm saying this as someone who spent years in her house, and I am saying this on behalf of the people who understand depression and what it does to you. And I don't care if you might think well, yeah, I'm making it through the day, but I still feel like shit so I'm not really doing a great job at it. That doesn't matter. You need to take your victories where you can and build yourself back up.
To me, you are not a bad friend. I am not offended (in case you're thinking it) at hearing you need to force yourself to enjoy having fun with your friends. I completely understand that as someone who has gone through that and still goes through it from time to time. You're right, none of this is easy to change. You need to start somewhere, though, which goes back to the you need to be ready to change point. I don't want you to help yourself because that's what people want, I want you to help yourself for you.
" ... I feel like I'm a lot more trouble than I'm worth. I know I do have wonderful friends who would tell me otherwise, and that does mean the world to me, but it can't shake that feeling."
You pretty much said my point with that, haha. In the end, nothing I'm typing here matters unless you believe it. Everyday I could type up a million paragraphs about how you mean the world to me, but it's almost like falling on deaf ears in a way. One of the hardest things the group I was in for therapy was submitted to was the idea that if you can't accept a single word of whatever the person was saying to you, even if just a little, you had to tell the person they were a liar. As cruel as it is, it's the fastest way to cut through the demeanour of someone who's apt to smile and just accept things. Not that I'm saying I want you to call me a liar, more just food for thought. I always found it interesting since I had never thought of it that way previously.
You've probably guessed by now I'm going to say feel free to talk to me whenever at this point. I mean it, husband. Even if you just send me something like "I don't feel well today" I will help you through anything. I'm not around until supper unless it's the weekend, but I will always get back to you asap. I don't know anything about texting and am super slow at it due to clumsy fingers, but I recently procured a fancy new phone capable of texts, so I mean, if it's an emergency you can reach me whenever.
That's all I can think to say, and I'm sorry as always if things don't make sense. My mind is always all over, aha. I love you ♥
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branchandroot
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Date: 2012-09-12 12:31 am (UTC)Of course figuring out how to counter it isn't the easiest. This is where professional help does come in handy. I can only give you examples of what I've done in therapy, and they may work or they may not! Everyone is different. One big factor in starting overall change, in my opinion, is if you're honestly ready to change. I think you know that, like, you can be gung-ho to get things started, but fall flat due to something holding you back ... Which would be the individual.
It's great writing out your thoughts to help clear your head. Journaling is actually an important part of most cognitive based therapies. The downside here that I notice (which is my opinion only, so feel free to steer me in the right direction) is that it's almost like going around in circles. You write this out, feel better for the time being, but then it's always ruminating somewhere inside of you until it's ready to pop up again and make you feel god awful. So here it's like the journaling is only temporary relief rather than a permanent fix.
And when I say permanent fix I don't mean, like ... Okay, again, these are my thoughts based on what I experience ... I don't believe you truly ever get rid of anxiety or depression. Nowadays I leave my house and live what one would call a normal life for the most part, but there are days I wake up and it's like I'm back at square one. The difference being now - and this is what I mean by permanent fix - is that I know the steps to take to bring myself back to healthy thinking. I know pretty much every sign that warns me "hey, uh, in a week or so you might have a breakdown JUST SAYING". I can take a day and go, you know what, today I feel like shit and I want to feel like shit and feel sorry for myself and have a pity party, but tomorrow is going to be better. And it's honestly tiring at times the things I need to do and the amount of thought I need to put into my thought process and how I'm feeling, bit it's worth it in the end knowing that I'm okay. Really, though, that's how life is; some people are better at things that other people need to put more effort into.
Going back to the actively doing something vs sabotaging yourself, I feel like a lot of the times you're ridiculously hard on yourself. I know I've brought it up before, but it bears repeating. I can count on my hands the number of positive things you say about yourself compared to the negative things. Okay, you are feeling useless and you're feeling like a bad friend and that everyone gets over these things, but have you ever stopped to think holy shit, how much crap am I putting up with that my mind puts me through? I'm not saying have a pity party, and I'm not saying that you're feeling all right by any stretch of the imagination. I'm saying try to look at that as at least somewhere positive to start; it is hard to make it through a single day when you are suffering like this and you should be proud of yourself. I don't care what anyone says who doesn't understand this, I'm saying this as someone who spent years in her house, and I am saying this on behalf of the people who understand depression and what it does to you. And I don't care if you might think well, yeah, I'm making it through the day, but I still feel like shit so I'm not really doing a great job at it. That doesn't matter. You need to take your victories where you can and build yourself back up.
To me, you are not a bad friend. I am not offended (in case you're thinking it) at hearing you need to force yourself to enjoy having fun with your friends. I completely understand that as someone who has gone through that and still goes through it from time to time. You're right, none of this is easy to change. You need to start somewhere, though, which goes back to the you need to be ready to change point. I don't want you to help yourself because that's what people want, I want you to help yourself for you.
" ... I feel like I'm a lot more trouble than I'm worth. I know I do have wonderful friends who would tell me otherwise, and that does mean the world to me, but it can't shake that feeling."
You pretty much said my point with that, haha. In the end, nothing I'm typing here matters unless you believe it. Everyday I could type up a million paragraphs about how you mean the world to me, but it's almost like falling on deaf ears in a way. One of the hardest things the group I was in for therapy was submitted to was the idea that if you can't accept a single word of whatever the person was saying to you, even if just a little, you had to tell the person they were a liar. As cruel as it is, it's the fastest way to cut through the demeanour of someone who's apt to smile and just accept things. Not that I'm saying I want you to call me a liar, more just food for thought. I always found it interesting since I had never thought of it that way previously.
You've probably guessed by now I'm going to say feel free to talk to me whenever at this point. I mean it, husband. Even if you just send me something like "I don't feel well today" I will help you through anything. I'm not around until supper unless it's the weekend, but I will always get back to you asap. I don't know anything about texting and am super slow at it due to clumsy fingers, but I recently procured a fancy new phone capable of texts, so I mean, if it's an emergency you can reach me whenever.
That's all I can think to say, and I'm sorry as always if things don't make sense. My mind is always all over, aha. I love you ♥